She.

What.
What have I done wrong?
I guess, my love was not as strong
as I intended
My heart
Broken, split, bended
Is there any way this can be mended?
Not sure right now, I don't even know how
Throat dry
Cheeks stained from the tears I cry
Never wanted this to happen, ever.
Now that you want her
I have to surrender
Everything.
All of the memories
All of the feelings
Why do I feel like she's stealing?
My words are lost
My mind is being tossed,
but for now I'll just have to cope
Then, one day I will obtain all the things I've hoped...

He.

He is back. He is back after his complication. He is back with another one. A different one. The one who has fallen under his trap. He is back. Learning was so easy while he was gone. No distractions, no temptations, but he is back. There is nothing that I can do, but avoid him. Try and forget him, but how can I when he is back? When ever he is back, there is always lust, always competition, and always drama. His new one will be coming as well, later though. This place is about to become a battlefield, the hallways are trenches, and the females are soldiers and he doesn't even realize it. I will have to stay calm, not let him interfere with my feelings. But since he is back, everything is everything but normal.

This Blog Is Blank

Yes, this blog is blank. Just like your mind when you're recapping life. Just like the colors, when you get the same amount of each of the primary colors, you get white. Your thoughts are those colors, when you have so many, it all becomes white. Blank. These are my thoughts. On average, you will have fifty thousand thoughts a day. Every day. Fifty thousand. That's a lot of colors, but they all come out to one. White. Blank. Nothing. If I did so happen to change the theme, that would mean I've put one of the colors greater than all the others. No thought is greater, so we must balance them all. White. Blank. Nothing. The human brain is such a complicated, yet beautiful piece of work. It creates all of these colors. All of the 50,000 thoughts. So, yes I will be keeping this blog blank...

I Want to be Wanted

Boys desire. They always will. Boys want IT. They love IT. They live for IT. Why? Because Genesis 2:7. Simple as that. I want to be wanted. How am I supposed to be desired, if I'm not desirable? I am yet beautiful, but the boys want IT. Why don't they want a female who's nice, sweet, caring, funny...? Because they want IT. They hurt. They love. They adore. I want to be wanted. Expectations so high, but if they're not, anyone may have IT. IT. IT. Not my feelings, not my trust, nor my beauty. IT. They only want one who is willing to give IT, so they can finally receive IT. I want to be wanted. Does anyone also agree? I need to be me. So someone can finally see, the girl that is lusting to be free. I want to be wanted. To be loved, not used. To be cared, not abused. To be yearned, not to have my image confused. I want to be wanted...

Questions of Hope

How does one smile at sorrow?

Not knowing if he'll live for tomorrow

Being mistreated, unloved, hopeless...

Do you need a heart to borrow?

How lost can one be?

No love for an eternity?

That's how you feel? Don't believe the unreal

This is how it's not always going to stay

The clouds will not always remain gray

What do you believe?

Love is what you want to achieve

Without it, depress and stress will follow 

What if your heart was really hollow?

I wonder, but for now you'll just be the one to discover...

Disconcert

I am the one who's lost now

Wondering, trying to figure how

Why is this all so bad?

Take away the pain, don't make me sad

Please, I plead

These feelings tease

Am I being deceived?

Stop.

End it.

My heart's breaking, 

Split.

Just quit.

Then maybe I won't feel it...



disconcert [ˌdɪskənˈsɜːt]verb
 to frustrate or upset